What do I do now?

It's summer but I'm slipping,

missed the mark and now it's killing

me.

I don't know what to do 

with myself anymore.

I've spent every night

doing yoga on the floor, 

because I'm trying to be mindful;

Clear my thoughts and make my mind up 

about

staying clean or taking a shower or at which hour to lay down

to go to sleep.

That's just what I do every day of the week. 

I thought I would be kissing,

and we had fun but now I have to figure it 

out. 

I could've sworn that I once knew

how to write a list of to-dos

but now my yoga, it's not working, 

and I tell ya, I'm sick of jerking 

off.

It makes me cry to even try, so I just lay there for while

while you're working it.

I've always hated my smile,

is it working yet?

What do you do when you're finished with everything else?

When you've walked around, made a plan, read the books that line the shelves?

I know it isn't up to me,

but god, I'm really freaking 

out.

What do I do now?

So it's time to get to packing,

I really love you, but I'm kicking you

out.

And it's not what I thought

would happen, at least I can start recalibrating. 

I didn't write this down, I swear, 

to me, this is a loss 

of 

the life we shared together, 

all the while,

I wanted to be better

but you, I don't think you could let her.

Her being me.

It's like suddenly, I see.

Deep down, I've always known what stone was next to 

touch ground on.

Things like that are frowned upon, 

like how I know things that you don't. 

Deep down, it's not my fault or yours, it's more a matter of

who plagues your mind when the day is done, 

and I don't think about anyone.

I know it's not right to say.

What do you do when you're finished with everything else?

When you've held it in, made a plan, and let things fizzle out?

I know this is the job for me, if I'm so tempted to explore it.

It's really not that deep, but when my back's turned I can't ignore it. 

I swear I know what's good for me,

I'm just really burnt

out.

What do I do now?